I Mothered From My Programming
and now I choose something different
When mothers name it.
This morning, I received an incredible message in our private Telegram group from a woman who has awakened to a powerful yet profoundly painful truth about her having mothered her daughter from the cultural conditioning that she normalized. The pain of that awakening is deep — but the freedom she discovered in the rebirth is what it’s all about. Rebirth into the truth of who we are starts with giving ourselves permission to own our truth. This is the image that she posted with her earth-shattering message:
Here’s an edited version of what I wrote back to her, and our group:
Wow. Your message gives me such HOPE for the future.
I am filled with gratitude for your daring. As hard as things are for daughters, I know what it’s like to be a MOTHER … and to take ownership of that, as you are, is so fucking massive. Already it has healed something within ME.
Thank you is not enough. That realization — “mother of cultural conditioning” and its impact — “I emotionally abandoned her” — is SO HUGE. You giving yourself permission to go there is so massive. It has already freed you to choose differently. You’ve given it voice, and now it is landing. Not easy, and the point is you’re choosing to stay with it.
Imagine a world where mothers woke up today and said, “Wow, I’ve been a product of my upbringing and it’s serving no one — especially not my daughter,” and BOOM … in their having awakened, they made different choices that changed the trajectory of the future forever.
Thank you for choosing to be that choice-point…
In my now over 7 years of living the WEL-Systems® way — unwaveringly, unapologetically, unquestionably every.single.day of my life — I have come to discover that what is killing us is not the impact of facing the pain or the truth, but the hiding of the shame. The pretending that what is, isn’t. The secrets we keep from ourselves and each other. The lies we tell ourselves, and each other.
What we keep from ourselves becomes the slow drip of poison that becomes our own undoing.
The revelation of your conditioned resposne to hide your mother’s bruises — oof, that’s a big one, because you let a cat out of the bag that was not out until now. Here’s the thing — it really doesn’t matter what the thing is, what matters is that we hold it close to our chest, pretecting it rather than living meaningful lives.
I’m imagining there are more things you’re holding on to and not revealing, knowing that you’re not revealing them. That’s the poison I’m talking about…
So it’s not about whether you do or don’t — it’s about the process that says if I reveal, I will be punished. It’s about the process that allows the shame to layer itself on top of the truth, becoming the lack of permission that is needed to free yourself from the shame.
And yes, it will free up everything you’ve been desperately trying to hold together — including rage. Unfathomable, I’m-going-to-burn-the-world-down rage that belongs only to you. Followed by periods of immense grief that can only be integrated by staying with it, mindfully and intentionally not in the intellect — but the body.
“What’s killing us is that we are living lives that are too weany.” - Louise LeBrun
I’m sharing this track, Owning Rage (from the Decloaking and Living Authentically audio files, CD6 - track 9) because I want you to know that the things you call irritation, annoyance, fustration, tension, restlessness, annoyance, static, resentment, inflamation, cognitive dissonance, mental noise, nervous system overload, skin-crawling, gut-churning, tight-chested, heat rising, jaw-clenching, heart-thudding, buzzing under the skin… can all be manifestations of rage, hidden.
Food for thought below…
This kind of fire is profoundly transformational — but only when you intetnionally direct it toward yourself. Not to destroy, but to burn away everything you were taught to be, so you can live as who you are.
The mother-daughter exploration is a tough and ongoing one. So strap in.
But be mindful that your evolution need not be dependent on hers — you tried that before. Didn’t exactly work out. So let it go. Let her go — not as a person, but as a role. And make choices that align for you in the quality of your life. Your life, not your collective, enmeshed, codependent life.
So I can’t help but wonder … what leverage does your mother have over you, other than she’s your mother?
And this question goes to all of you — including replacing “mother” with “daughter.”
All I know is — and most of the world disagrees with me because they are profoundly committed to victimhood — I get to choose. And that process of choosing shapes the quality of my life. The way I choose to choose is by staying intentional about where I put my attention.
The process of choosing shapes the framework from which I experience my reality. If I focus below the choice-point, my life will feel like an intergeneraitonal trap that I can’t escape. If I focus above the choice-point (even if I have no idea what that really means), I will notice that I am the shaper of the reality I am manifesting — not as a platitude, but a unshakable and fundamental truth that emerges from the depths of my own being.
Quantum TLC™ to integrate, or tapping to make it go away? Trust the body to process, or defer to the intellect to tell the story? All the stuff we talk about over and over in Decloaking and Engaging…
The myth of the intact family is DEADLY. Believe me or don’t — it’s deadly to all that is sacred because it values secrets and lies over being yourself and telling the truth.
And you can notice its rot and choose not to be rotting with it.
That’s what I choose.
Rebirth. Time and again. Into more… of mySelf.
Layer after layer, it really all does unfold as it should…
If what you read in this post hit something real — if you’re seeing how deeply your behavior has been shaped by unexamined patterns — this workshop is the next step.
It’s designed to help you understand how trauma has shaped your internal wiring. We’ll explore the unconscious structures that keep old loops running, and why awareness alone isn’t enough to change them.
This isn’t mindset work. It’s not talk therapy.
It’s about learning how your mind actually works so you can stop repeating what’s familiar — and start making choices that align with your life, not your history.
If you’re ready for that, join us.
Whether you’re navigating your own healing or supporting others in theirs, this will be a rich and eye-opening hour, plus space for Q&A.
This is a one-time opportunity to experience it with me live, give feedback, and be part of shaping the final version. I will have a handout for you also.
(if you have any issues with the link, let me know please; sometimes technology is not my bestie)
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